Saturday, February 26, 2011

What's In a Name

A while ago I read a forum discussing signs that a person might be a swinger. Many of the posters came up with little outward signs that most people wouldn't realise. A lot of the signs are related to having friends that you don't really know all that much about. One poster came up with a clever little joke that went like this;

Wife: Dave called to day.

Husband: Dave and Donna, Dave and Belle or Liz and Dave? Did they want to meet up some time?

Wife: No, Dave the plumber. He is coming to fix the taps next week.

In my phone there are any number of contacts listed as John and Liz, Fred and Wilma etc. (OK we don't know anyone who really calls themselves that, but you get the picture). The point is that we often meet people who we get naked with, sometimes after only an hour or so of conversation. Despite being so intimate with them we may never know their last names, or their jobs, where they live or any other personal information. We do know the size and shape of their penis, what their vagina looks like, and what they say when they come. Things a lot of their relatives and 'Vanilla' friends will never know.

It is strange to think that what they consider too private for the vanilla people in their lives is OK for us complete strangers and what almost every vanilla person knows about them is too private for us. Part of it is the obsession that most swingers have about protecting their identity, mainly to prevent their vanilla friends from finding out about their after dark activities. Many people in the world don't understand the concept of no holds barred sex between consenting adults, regardless of their marital status.

It is alluring thinking about having sex with a stranger. Not knowing a person and not having to see them again if you don't want to means you can do and say what you like. There is no repercussions or judgements to worry about. You don't have to worry about what they will be thinking next time you see them. The classic idea of the masquerade ball is the epitome of sex with a stranger. A mask protects your identity and no questions are asked, no lies are told. There is the freedom to act out fantasies with no repercussions. I think this is the reason that masquerade balls are popular in the swing scene.

In 'Manwhich' Alice lives out that fantasy in a modern day setting. She walks into a bar, finds a man and spends a night of unrestrained passion with him. There is no mask hiding her face or the face of the man she meets but there is a mutual understanding between them about what each of them wants. She doesn't bother with who he is, how much he earns or what car he drives. All she thinks about is satisfying her cravings and realising some long held fantasies. Unlike her friends she follows her sex drive with no reservations and realises pleasure that she never dreamed of.

Alice is young and single. She has the freedom to make the choice to create a life for herself with no clutter and baggage. Married couples have chosen to live a life with some baggage. They choose to spend a lot of their time dealing with mundane things like money and children. When they choose to swing they choose to give themselves some freedom from these things. They allow themselves to live in the fantasy world where they can have intimacy with people without baggage. Keeping the exchange of personal details to a minimum allows this to happen. The friendships they develop and the experiences they have are unrestrained by conventional expectations. For that night they are at that party or club or on a date they are free to be themselves.

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