A while back Jake and I attended a party. During the night we were hanging out on a bed together, as you do. A couple of other people came and joined us for a chat, some kissing and a bit of stroking. One thing led to another and I found myself riding this guy while Jake looked on. The whole experience was very sexy. Later in the night we met the guy's wife and now we are all good 'friends with benifits'.
Something that I was very surprised to learn later was that the guy in question had checked me out earlier in the night and was interested, but thought that approaching me was out of the question because I was way out of his league. When I heard this I laughed. Why would he think that? He is well mannered, intelligent, gentle, considerate and very sexy.
Talking about this a bit later Jake and I turned over some ideas about the concept of confidence. Through our adventures we have met a lot of people who are the same. Nice, considerate people who are sexy and attractive in their own way; but they are convinced that they are unattractive. Jake feels like he himself was like this once.
He feels that being part of the swinging scene has really helped him to be more confident in himself. Through meeting women who tell him that he is sexy or through seeing for himself the pleasure he gives to women his confidence in himself has grown. Of course I have always known that he is a 'sexy hunk a spunk' but hearing your spouse telling you how sexy you are is not as confidence boosting as hearing it from someone who isn't required to tell you as part of their 'job description' so to speak.
Cooper Beckett in a recent Life on the Swingset article describes his own wife 'becoming a butterfly' through their own swinging journey so it seems that this is not an isolated case nor is the lack of confidence thing restricted to men alone.
Confidence is something that surveys all around the world have identified as an element that makes people more attractive. I have met women who would not be necessarily be described as typically beautiful for a number of reasons. These women have no problem attracting sometimes whole bevvies of young gorgeous men. Why? because they are confident in their own attractiveness. This confidence enables them to express their sexuality freely and the men found this irresistible.
From my own perspective I am like everyone attracted to someone who has confidence in themselves BUT a guaranteed turn off for me is a person who has an inflated opinion of themselves. A gentle quiet person will always grab my attention; they always have so much more to offer.