Recently Jake and I found ourselves invited to a small gathering held by some people that we had met once. We had thoroughly enjoyed these people's company before and were looking forward to another enjoyable evening of adult entertainment.
The bubble burst three days before the gathering was scheduled when we received a short note saying "We are sorry for the late notice but we have had to cancel the party."
Our initial reaction was concern for our acquaintances. Did something drastic happen in their lives? Was there a sudden illness in their family? The message was sent via an Internet dating service that we use and no explanation or details were given. We responded with a "Hope everything is OK" but no conversation was entered into. They made it pretty clear that they didn't want any further contact.
We were a little confused and then we began to wonder. Did we do something wrong? Did we say something in one of our messages that they took offence to? Did we inadvertently say something to another person who happened to also be one of their friends that caused offence? These are all questions we had no way of knowing the answer to and so were a little pointless really. But telling yourself not to worry usually is not a good way of stopping any worrying.
Swinging is a funny scenario. The rules of behaviour and etiquette are not defined at all. I read an article recently in Life on the Swingset that outlined a new person's confusion with rules of etiquette when swinging. Situations like the one we found ourselves in emphasise how confusing things can be. All of our conditioning about this kind of thing stems from dating as a single person. All of our angst and pondering are similar to those of a single person. What if he / she doesn't like me? What if he / she doesn't call? and so on.
The difference of course is that with swinging things aren't as crucial. As a couple you are already in the company of the person you are committed to for life. The other people you get naked with are a bonus. It is nice to develop a friendship with people and there are basic rules of courtesy but to put it in Jake's words;
You already have someone to go home with so it doesn't matter if you find someone else or not.
Because of this people tend to be a little harsher and more judgemental. The ideal that beauty is on the inside falls a little by the wayside. We are more likely to only speak to people we find attractive and less likely to spend time with people who may be great conversationalists but lets face it we are not going to get naked with any time soon. I had a friend a while back who constantly told people at parties and in forums,
"This is a shallow, superficial game we are playing. People will make decisions based on physical beauty and who they think is cool so get used to it." This statement sounds a little harsh on the surface of things but when you take a good look at what goes on at parties and clubs it is 100% correct.
The same friend also found herself in a situation at a party one night when Mrs B wanted to play with her but Mr B said no and gave his reason as "She is a bit on the chunky side for me dear." My friend's position was that while it was unpleasant to hear herself described this way Mr B was quite within his rights to say no and was merely being honest. He had said nothing that she hadn't or wouldn't say herself in the right situation. She found herself in the odd position of defending the man who had rejected her to his wife who wanted her.
The romantics amongst us would like to think that we could all get naked and have a great time together and there would be none of this unpleasantness but how can this be without everyone giving up their right to choose who shares their bed? Getting back to our situation with the party that wasn't, the same principle applies. They have the right to choose who they share their home, spa and body with. If they decide for some reason that we are not suitable then who are we to argue? It would be nice to have an explanation but is it really necessary? Do we really want to know?
Jake and I make a point of being honest with people. If we aren't attracted to someone we say so from the get go. We are upfront about our rules and we don't hide our other playmates from view. We try not to be offensive but sometimes people take things the wrong way and no amount of explaining can fix that. We know that we haven't intentionally been rude or done anything offensive so if offence has been taken we cannot help that.
We are a little sad that we missed out on sexy spa time and we truly do hope that our friends are not faced with any major life issues. At the end of the day we have each other and really that is enough.