Gemma's alter ego spends some of her time working as a volunteer in the canteen of her children's school. This is a very different situation that often requires a bit of discretion and careful censoring of my opinions. The conversations that happen as we make sandwhiches, pies, hot dogs and burgers are wide ranging and would make the eyes of some men pop right out of their heads some days.
On a particular day recently my back was giving me a bit of pain and a suggestion was made that Jake should give me a massage. The conversation turned to men's general unwillingness to give back massages or foot rubs and how often the bother getting them to give a massage is often not worth it in the end. One woman made the comment,
"I just don't bother asking Mr for a foot rub, no matter how sore my feet are because the price is not worth it."
I thought about what this meant and had a mental picture of my friend being asked to reciprocate by giving her husband a foot massge. My train of thought brought up images of a man with smelly feet or some weird fungal infection in his toenails.Stupidly I asked.
"What could be so bad as to make it not worth it?"
Her response was a little interesting, "Well you know the amount of effort you have to put into sex. I would rather have sore feet!"
At the time I made some comment like "You need to do something about that." She was a little surprised that I thought there was a problem. What really made me a little sad was that I was the only person in the room who felt that there was something not right with this attitude. It saddened me to think that this woman was missing out on a whole chunk of being human that was a lot of fun. What made me even sadder was that there were more people who agreed with her than felt, as I did, that something wasn't right.
I have mused a lot over the course of my life about the role of women in the home, the workforce and the bedroom. My own personal journey and experiences has led me to believe that women can be their own worst enemies when it comes to a lot of things. This includes getting their partner to hang out the washing and getting good sex.
Men (I am sorry if I offend a large portion of my readership here but I do not mean this in a derogatory fashion and I AM generalising so of course I understand there will be exceptions!) are not mind readers. If you want them to hang out the clothes or do the dishes you need to ask them and you need to ask them almost every time it has to be done at least for the first six months sometimes longer.
Sex, in my opinion, is the same. I have met very few men who genuinely don't give a fuck about what a woman wants or what makes her feel good, but I have met a lot who genuinely don't know how a woman's body is even put together. Hell I have met a lot of women who don't know how their own body is put together. I am sorry ladies if you want your man to give you good sex then you need to give detailed instructions. If you don't know what the instructions are then you have to find them yourself and then tell him.
The other aspect of my friend's ideas that makes me sad is that there are so many women out there who are made to think that they are not allowed to like sex by the media and their friends. The classic good girl vs bad girl idea is such a strong influence. Everyone wants to be a good girl but good girls don't like sex so we aren't allowed to like sex and so we don't. When we become wives and mothers we switch off that part of our personality because there is so much more important stuff for us to focus on. We don't have time for trivial things like sex.
THIS IS NOT TRUE
Women are humans and we need sex. We don't have to be raving sex lunatics (although more of us are than you would believe). There is no standard number of times we should be having sex every week, but having the idea that it is not worth the effort is, to my mind, unhealthy. I do not have a piece of paper saying that I am a sex expert of any kind, nor do I have a psychology degree. I do have a healthy marraige that has extended over fourteen years and survived infidelity, failed careers, children, moving house, spending three months in a caravan (with two children) and running a business together. I once was the woman who would rather a piece of chocolate cake and a good nights sleep to sex. I am here to tell you I was not happy when I was that woman and if I didn't get my sweet ass out of that hole I would not be sitting here waxing lyrical about my fantastic marraige.
Sex is important even if you are a woman and no matter how good a chocolate cake is it is NEVER better than a good sexxxion.