Sunday, July 29, 2012

Great Expectations

A little while ago Jake and I met a couple at a club. They were very new to this way of life and very very cautiously making their way. We all seemed to get on really well, we found them attractive etc. We made a point of not proposing anything and letting them set the pace and dictate the next step because of how new and nervous they were. Needless to say we were very surprised when we ended up naked together and we all had some great same room fun. At the end of the night we exchanged phone numbers and made plans to meet up again in the future. Jake and I spent a bit of time over the next few weeks reminiscing about our first foursome.  It was an earth shattering experience for both of us and we were excited about the possibility of being involved in a similar experience for these people.

In short it didn't really turn out the way any of us expected. To say our next meeting was a disaster would be unfair, but there were certainly parts of it that were dissapointing. I don't really think that there is anything that any of us could have done differently to change things much. In the inevitable post-moretom Jake and I were reminded of a few fundamentals.

Firstly the fewer expectations you have going into a situation like this the better a night is generally going to turn out. Expecting a relative stranger to respond and perform a certain way is not only unrealistic it is unfair on both of you and doomed to result in dissapointment. Things will pan out how they pan out. If they don't go according to Plan A then make up some other fun game to play.

Secondly it also bears remembering that communication is one of the basic skills needed for successful swinging. A lot of couples have this in spades between themselves. They are completely in tune with their own partners, what they feel, what they like and when things are not going according to plan WITH THEM. However if you want fireworks then you need to communicate with the other people in the room as well, tell them what you want, what makes things work for you. If you have a particular fantasy or thing you want to have happen tell them. If you just assume that things will go in an order that seems logical to you... Well you know what they say about assumptions, asses (not the sexy type) etc.

The third and probably most important thing we were reminded of is that gut instincts are usually right. There were a couple of moments in the lead up to our big night when I had this nagging worry that maybe this whole exercise what not quite correctly aligned. I pushed these fears aside as we often do in life. With the wonderful wisdom that comes with hindsight I realise my gut was right. There have been other times on this journey when I have had the same fears and the future has shown me that I should have been stronger and both voiced and acted on my fears.

At the end of the day we do this because we can and it is fun. If it ceases to be fun and becomes a lot of hard work then there is no reason to continue with it. If we spend our life tied up in knots because of other people's issues then we are in the wrong place with the wrong people. Don't get me wrong I am not about to quit swinging but the further down this path I walk the less tolerance I have for other people's shit and the more likely I am to be blunt, frank and sometimes, perhaps a bit rude.

1 comment:

  1. A foursome..*Rubbing chin* Hmmn...Now that's something I should try someday. Sorry the second date didn't go so well.