Sunday, August 19, 2012

Popping my Formspring Cherry

A couple of weeks ago, inspired by the great posts written by Jack and Jill, I got all technical and installed a Formspring widget. Thanks to Allys, another great Australian blogger, I have my first question;

It is a common phrase in swinging, have you ever "taken one for the team"?

I am not sure how widely this phrase is in use outside of Australia but it is used to describe a situation that happens with couples when meeting or playing with other couples and sometimes singles. Basically Mr and Mrs A meet Mr and Mrs B and for some reason one AB combination have a red hot connection while the other two are really not into each other. For various reasons the A's and the B's hop into the sack and one AB pairing have multiple orgasms while the other pairing muck around a bit and wait for it to be over. The second pairing have just experienced 'taking one for the team' ie sacrificing their own pleasure so that their partner can have a great night.

There are a number of reasons why this happens. When you have a couple looking for someone(s) it is harder than when a single person is seeking someone. There are two people often with different tastes and desires. The level of difficulty increases when you are dealing with two couples because you have four people to please. The situation can be further complicated when one partner is not as into the whole swinging thing as their husband / wife. Or there are unresolved jealousy issues. 

The road followed by any marraige or long term partnership is littered with comprimise and conscessions and so it would be foolish to think that swinging would be any different. It is almost impossible to attain that euphoric state where four people meet and everyone gets all their boxes ticked. Invariably you have to concede that you are not going to get all your boxes ticked and you have to make a judgement call as to how many boxes you are prepared to forgo and which ones are deal breakers. Secondly you have to balance that with how watching your partner have a great night will perhaps replace some of those ticks.  

So it isn't as simple as saying "I don't take one for the team. If I don't get that connection then it is a deal breaker." In my opinion if one partner is only thinking about what is going to do it for THEM then the other partner is likely to be taking one for the team without them realising it.

Getting back to Allys' question; have I ever 'taken one for the team'? I would answer no to this with a qualifier. There have been situations where I would perhaps NOT have chosen the guy in question for myself but I have made the best of things because I knew that Jake was really into his partner. Oddly most of the time this has worked out really well for me and I have gone on to have a fabulous time even if he was shorter/ fatter/ harier/ less well endowed than I would have liked. Of course there has been the odd occasion when it hasn't worked and I am fortunate that we have the understanding between us that it is OK to pull out no matter where things are at. If one of us is really not happy then we call a halt to proceedings, get dressed and go home. We have been lucky that we haven't caused any angst with people when we have done this.

There have been nights of course when I have left the house and my primary focus is Jake's pleasure. This could be beause it is a special day for him or I just feel that he needs a pep up. On these nights it could be said I am taking one for the team because my focus is him. But the reality is that sometimes it is enough to watch the person you love have a good time. Besides what you lose on the swings you usually make up for on the roundabouts.

Thanks Allys for the great question. If you want to leave a question check out the widget on the side of my page or look up my formspring page.


  1. Thanks for the link and the kind words! It's been awhile since either of us has been involved with popping anyone's cherry, even on a tertiary level. That said, we are now following you on Formspring, and will gladly fill your box (your inbox, that is) if you'd like.

    1. And I got all excited them for a moment!!

      Fill away guys.