Tuesday, October 16, 2012

TMI Tuesday - Can We Be Just Friends?

I am pleased to report that this week's questions for TMI Tuesday come from a good blogging (and personal) friend of mine Allysin Brisneyland. Allys has written a group of questions about what happens when friends have sex.I am reminded of that classic movie "When Harry Met Sally". I was always in complete agreement with Harry's belief that men and women cannot be friends because the sex thing always gets in the way. These days I think that men and women can be friends. As long as they are clear with each other about what is going on with the sex thing. 





 Jake's Answers
1. Have you ever had a friendship with someone where you secretly (or not so secretly) desired them?
I am friends with several women in my vanilla life who I would have sex with in a heartbeat if I had the chance. Of course they don't know about this or that even having sex with me is an option for them and it is probably better if things stay that way. That doesn't stop me wanting them though. 


2. Are you prone to jealousy, suspicion or insecurity when your partner spends time with an attractive close friend without you? Why?
 I don't get jealous in the traditional sense in that I am worried that Gemma is going to run away from me. I do get jealous though that she may be having fun and I am not!

3. Has a previously platonic friendship ever bloomed into a sexual relationship?
Yes. Gemma and I were friends with a very sexy lady who I fantasised about for several years. One day it did grow into something more and I enjoyed it very much and was over the moon about. 

4. Have you ever remained close friends with an ex lover?
I would have to say yes to this question. We have had a playmate who we were very intimate with for a while. The sexual part of the relationship has cooled off but I am still quite close with her.

Bonus: Have you ever developed feelings for a "friend with benefits"? How did it develop, unfold, resolve?
I can't think of an instance when this happened. 



 Gemma's Answers
1. Have you ever had a friendship with someone where you secretly (or not so secretly) desired them?
I am a terrible liar. If I have a crush or desire for someone it is usually written accross my forehead in big black texter. When I was younger I was very curious about being sexual with a girl. I was convinced that if anyone found out about this that they would think I was weird so I kept my feelings to myself. It didn't stop me from stealing surrptitious looks at my female friends lips and cleavages and wondering. 


2. Are you prone to jealousy, suspicion or insecurity when your partner spends time with an attractive close friend without you? Why?
I have never ever been jealous of Jake, even in pre-swinging times. Ever since the day we became official I have maintained that I would never be jealous of him having a sexual relationship as long as I believed he still loved me. Without being egotistical I know it would take a pretty special woman to usurp me as Jake's wife and the mother of his children. He may be fortunate to have a sexual dalliance with a younger, hotter, more bendier woman than myself but it is unlikely that she will be able to make apple pie that tastes better than mine as well!

3. Has a previously platonic friendship ever bloomed into a sexual relationship?
I would have to say no to this. Mostly if I am going to be friends with someone I am friends with them. If there is a sexual element to the relationship it is there from the start. I did once have a very ill fated and messy sexual relationship with a work collegue that, of course, didn't start out to be sexual. The whole thing was full of angst and turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I learned a lot from the experience and have grown up considerably since then. Jake credits that series of events as the catalyst that opened up swinging as a real possibility to us. It did however seriously damage my career. 

4. Have you ever remained close friends with an ex lover?
I was friends with my first 'real boyfriend' for many years after our official relationship ended. We had sex several times after we both moved on. In some ways I think we both harboured feelings for each other. This idea was confirmed by his reaction to the news that Jake and I were planning our wedding. Sadly we lost contact with each other not long after that and I have not seen or spoken to him since.  

Bonus: Have you ever developed feelings for a "friend with benefits". How did it develop, unfold, resolve?
A few years ago Jake and I had a FWB relationship with another couple. We were very good friends both in and out of the bedroom but sadly their relationship was complicated and very, very broken. After Mr separated from Mrs we continued to be friends with both of them separately. Mr and I became very close. I never had intentions of leaving Jake for Mr but I did harbour polyamourous fantasies. Mr wasn't the kind of guy who would play second fiddle in that kind of situation and ultimately he found another lover. While he was happy enough to have both his new lover and myself in his life and I was also happy enough for that to be the case the new lover did not share our ideas. Eventually I decided the best thing to do was to leave her to it and I called the whole thing off. Neither Jake nor I have contact with Mr or Mrs any more. Like all situations in life I learned a great deal about myself and how people work from that situation and it has shaped me into the person I am today.


To see what other people are saying make sure you check out the TMI Tuesday blog. 

I just have to share one more thing with you all because I really do love the movie "When Harry Met Sally" and this is one of my favourite movie scenes ever. 


 
  

4 comments:

  1. You know oddly enough I have never seen Harry met Sally. Like you I can't say I am jealous of him when he is playing, I do have my radar on for the ones who think they can take him from me however..

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  2. Great answers guys, as they say sharing is caring. I love your openness, the way you both blog your answers and are separate, yet always connected throughout speaks to me of the type of relationship I have seen between you. Things are shared and discussed, its lovely to watch and experience!

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  3. thanks for playing guys! Oddly enough, I don't have any comments. I'm sure I'll feel more myself next week. lol

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  4. Your thoughts on jealousy are of particular interest to us. Gemma's is particularly thoughtful, and I agree completely. I can't imagine feeling threatened by Jill enjoying herself sexually with someone else, as long as I knew that she still desired - and more importantly, loved - me. Since I have no reason to fear losing her desire and love, I tend not to feel any insecurity.

    -Jack

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