The Long and the Short of It
|Source: Hot Stud Pix|
1. What is the longest relationship you have been in?
For both of us our current relationship is most definitely the longest. Jake and I recently celebrated our fourteenth wedding anniversary and have been together for a total of fifteen years.
2. What is the shortest relationship you have been in?
Gemma: It has been so long since I was in another relationship that I can't really remember the details of any other relationships. I think I had a very short relationship that lasted only a few months when I was in university but I can't say exactly how long it lasted. I guess that is just a sign of how insignificant it was.
Jake: Before Gemma I either had very short mostly casual relationships or long very serious ones. I was engaged twice before I met Gemma and lived with most of my serious relationships even from early in them.
3. How often do you have sex? How often do you want sex?
Jake and I probably have sex about three times a week on average. Sometimes it is more, sometimes it is less. We have two children who are too old to be shipped off to bed at the respectable time of 7pm and who are old enough to know what happens behind the closed bedroom door and that can be a little bit inhibiting at times. So yes there are times when the window of opportunity is maddenly small or gets suddenly closed in the middle of proceedings meaning that just because you want sex does not mean you are getting it.
Likewise the frequency of our sex with other people tends to vary a bit. We go through stages where we may play every weekend for a few weeks and then have a long space of a month or two before we meet up with anyone else.
Jake: I would add that I go through stages where I want more sex than I am getting but other times when I am happy with how things are.
4. How long does sex usually last?
As I said in my answer to #3 the other people who live in our house kind of curtail things from time to time. So there are times when we have a morning quickie and other times when we may take our time a little and the sex may last around an hour. If I had to give an average I would say about 20 - 30 mins.
Of course if we have special friends over for a visit then things may extend out for a few hours!
5. Have you ever had an experience where somone couldn't perform, finished too quickly or couldn't keep up with you?
Gemma:Complete lack of performance has never been something that I have ever encountered much of. In group sex situations it is not uncommon for guys to have some performance anxiety or be distracted by all the comings and goings and not be as hard as they would like. Using condoms can also be a bit of an issue.
There was one time at a club when we were getting busy with a couple we had met. I knew the lady from a Ladies Night encounter and she was very effusive about her playmate's abilities and talents. I had my back to the guy when he did the big reveal and Jake told me later his first thought was "Gemma isn't going to be happy with that!" As it turned out we got into a room and he gave his partner a good warm up which made me keen as to have a turn. But when it came to my turn he was spent and I was left well and truly thinking "Is that it!" From that night on I have always been very wary of women who hype up their husband / partner's bedroom prowess.
Jake: I will admit that there have been a couple of times when I have been unable to perform to the expected level. This can happen because I am not feeling comfortable with something in the situation. It isn't always because my partner isn't attractive or because I don't want to have sex with them. Sometimes my body just doesn't cooperate with my mind. I find that if people I don't like are watching too closely or if there is a lot of action to distract me I might have problems 'performing'.
6. If you could only have one 'type' of sexual encounter for the rest of your life would you prefer:
a) Short and sweet
b) Wham bam thank you ma'am
c) Here for the long haul
d) Slow and tender
Gemma:I think I would go with d) as that is Jake's speciality and I rather enjoy it.
Jake: Since it is my speciality then I will have to say d) as well. I was never a fan of fast pounding sex
Bonus: Would you consider ending an otherwise healthy relationship if the sex wasn't what you wanted?
Gemma: In my experience if the sex in a relationship is not mutually satisfying there are other issues with the relationship. Saying 'Everything is great but I just want more kink / sex / variety etc and he / she is not interested' is lying. Either you are not communicating your needs effectively or he / she is not listening and taking your issue seriously. Whichever way, this is unhealthy and this lack of communication will be apparent in other areas of your relationship.
So to answer your question if the sex is not good I would consider ending it because it is likely that our communication is not really effective either. Depending on how serious the relationship is I would definitely work on communication to resolve things before walking away but at the end of the day staying with someone who isn't doing it for you just because you have children or shared financial commitments is really not an option for me.
Jake: This is a fairly hard question, there are a lot of factors to take into consideration. I would definitely consider it. I did once end a relationship because I didn't feel I was getting enough sex. It ended up causing a lot of issues for me and I couldn't continue in the relationship.