Wednesday, April 17, 2013

When the Lines Get Blurred.


Source: wikipedia

When I first met Jake he was exploring his interest in pain. He and his friend attended a few nights at a bondage club. Part of the evening involved he and other patrons being restrained on a cross and whipped, having hot wax dripped on them etc. I never participated in any of these evenings and once we were married and the first baby came along they kind of fell by the wayside. During those years I tried at times to re-create for him what he described to me but I lacked the experience, the confidence and the straight out knowledge to make the experience genuine or even pleasurable. 

Fast forward a couple of years and we started our swinging journey. This journey was really about sex and exploring our sexuality. There is a certain amount of over lap between the BDSM world and the swinging world. There are swingers who practise BDSM and there are BDSM practitioners who swing from time to time. Some aspects of BDSM are sexual and some parts of swinger's play involves BDSM elements. However the people I have met who participate in the BDSM lifestyle view us swingers as a bit 'soft' and a lot of swingers view BDSM as a little bit 'hard core',

Not really understanding all this being a niave newbie and all I suggested to Jake that we pay a visit to a BDSM night being held at a swingers club. We hadn't visited this particular club as swingers or in any other capacity and so we didn't have a good handle on what we would see. But how bad could it be? We asked ourselves. 

The first clue that things were going to be a little confronting was arriving in the dark back street of the industrial estate and finding the club only by seeing one light and a small sign. This didn't deter us. In Australia swinging is very underground and so this kind of street frontage for a club was not unexpected. The second thing that alerted us we were in over our heads was noticing that the other arrivals were all toting reasonable sized suitcases with their gear in! 

The club owner was great, he showed us around, explained some of the equipment, outlined the rules and generally shared information about his lifestyle. Another alarm bell rang when he cautioned us about being too candid with people about our swinging. At the time we didn't really understand and I guess because he didn't want to scare or offend us he didn't explain clearly but I think this was because of the whole too soft / too hard core perception. This was my first up close and personal look at this lifestyle at all. I had played with spanking but the whole idea of restraining someone and deliberately causing pain was not something I was that familiar with. 

I am also a rebel at heart. The idea of kneeling to serve someone's every whim doesn't sit well with me. These days I understand the giving and respect aspect of submission and even play with it myself at times but then I didn't have my head around it at all. During the course of the evening we chatted with a couple who were in a D/s relationship. Both of them described what they do and some of the intellectual theory behind the D/s dynamic. After that conversation and a look at some play we decided that we had seen enough for one night and went in search of some nice normal swingers to fuck. 

Later that night as Jake fucked me doggy style I asked him to spank me, really really hard. He was frightened to hurt me but I don't remember the pain at all. I do remember awesome sex though. As we have journeyed along we have gradually played with several BDSM elements in our bedroom. Very soft, tame whipping is part of our regular routine along with bare handed spanking. Recently I found myself cumming just from a whipping of my ass with some of the tails of the whip flicking my general pussy area. Rope play and other restraint sits on my to do list and Jake still enjoys the feel of hot wax on him when he is aroused. 

I have spoken in these pages of 'Uncle Denis' I don't really want to describe my relationship with him but he is of the 'hard core' variety who has been kind enough to share his experiences and thoughts with me from time to time. Chatting with him has opened my mind to many ideas that I previously found a little confronting. Of course in my on-line life as Gemma I come across many stories and images that are posted by BDSM practitioners and I have found many of them to be sexually arousing. However I am not sure that I will be putting any of them into practise any time soon. 

There is a similar overlap between nudisim and swinging as there is between BDSM and swinging. Recently I was chatting with the man of a couple we played with in our early swinging days. He was trying to re-kindle things and invited Jake and myself to join him and his wife at a nudist resort they were planning to visit. Now I am not a huge fan of heaps of clothing when I am in the privacy of my own home. Nor am I famous for wearing prudish things when I am in public. However I do wear clothes and am not that comfortable with being completely nude. I do not regard myself as a nudist at all. So when my friend asked us to come along on their weekend away my response was "I am a swinger, not a nudist. There is a difference." I think when looking at the question of whether or not I practise BDSM I think my response would be the same. "I am a swinger, I share some kinks with the BDSM community in a very 'soft' way (thanks Uncle Den for that turn of phrase) but at the end of the day I am a swinger. I am here to explore my sexuality and I like to fuck, The rest is just foreplay for me." 


  1. "I am here to explore my sexuality and I like to fuck, The rest is just foreplay for me." > Love it!
    It's amazing that you and your partner can explore together. We are all sexual beings, some of us just find our sexual niche in other

    1. This is such a great comment! One of my favourites so far.

  2. Great sumation of the different styles.
    Swinging here and will always be swinging. Like to mix and match with consenting people, no love it really.
    Went to a BDSM night and enjoyed the experience and chatting with the occasional person who was open to conversation about the scene. But couldnt quite get around the fact that it was about arousal and stimulation but you would be shown the door if any sexual action took place.
    Much like the nudist resort where you flaunt it but taboo to fuck etc unless in the privacy of your own accomodation. Maybe a bit more understandable if it was a family friendly resort.
    So for us swinging is the right place to be where we can get aroused and excited and let the moment allow us to watch, be watched and join with others for a fucking good time. Entwined bodies sharing a sensual erotic experience where the only boundaries are those each participant sets.
    Thanks for your blogs lovely.
    Miss you both heaps.

  3. Very interesting ideas. So many communities overlap in different ways. Great food for thought and happy swinging :)

  4. I agree with Scarlett, it is wonderful to explore with your partner. And like you, I have noticed how some worlds seem to overlap, like swinging and BDSM or BDSM and polyamory or maybe even swinging and polyamory. I think taking the elements from the different world and making them work for you and your relationship is what's the most important. And having fun while doing so :)

    Great post!

    Rebel xox

  5. Certainly sounds like you are enjoying your relationship and the elements that make it up. Great read. Thank you.