Saturday, October 12, 2013

10 Things Swingers Advice Articles Don't Tell You

Recently when Jake and I found ourselves in a room of a swingers club with some less experienced people I overheard Mrs Fix it make the comment,
"That is a rookie mistake." She was referring to stripping off and not taking note of where your clothes are. It got me thinking about the silly little things that people do when they first start swinging. Not the serious stuff like not talking to their partner about what is going on or making sure that you are both aware of what the boundaries are but the silly things that seem inconsequential but really do make your life easier when you work them out! So here it is, the list of serious and not so serious things that you should know if you are considering meeting up for a date, going to a club or a party. 

  1. As mentioned in the introduction keep track of where your clothes are. Sometimes in the heat of the moment clothing gets thrown everywhere which is great but then when things are over sorting through the clothes is not so much fun. Hunting around the floor of a semi lit room for your other sock or your undies can be a bit awkward. If things haven't gone so well and all you want to do is get out of there multiply the awkward by about one hundred. By all means fling clothes with abandon but try and fling them all into the same corner.
  2. If you follow tip 1 then this is easier but try and keep track of your underwear. On the same night as Mrs Fix It made the rookie comment we noticed a pair of underwear in the bin of the room we were in. I am sure if they had this particular fetish club owners could have a very large collection of underwear that was left behind. Maybe they could start a website selling it as a sideline.
  3. Take your socks off. It is sexy for a woman to leave her stockings on and
    even her shoes, as long as she doesn't stab someone in the eye! But it is NEVER sexy for a guy to remove all of his clothing and forget about taking off his socks. Maybe at home when you are with your partner and MAYBE with a long term regular play partner but with people you have just met? Definitely not. Especially when there is a possibility that bystanders might be watching. Your partners may not notice but the bystanders definitely will.
  4. Make sure you pee first. This might sound obvious but in one of my first swinging experiences I was at a club and didn't think to pee before we entered the room. About fifteen minutes into things I needed to pee. In this particular club the play rooms were located on a mezzanine floor on the opposite side of the club from the toilets. Going to pee meant either running nude through the main bar area (which was against the rules) or getting dressed, walking down the stairs peeing and then going back to break another rule to go back into a closed room. I put up with it as long as I could and then had to cut everyone's fun short. Ever since then I treat going to play like going on a car trip. Pee before you go even if you don't need to.
  5. Jeans are not a good clothing choice. It is important when you are going to a place like this for the first time to feel comfortable in what you are wearing and jeans are undoubtedly comfortable but they are not great in particular for clubs. Unless you are a super prude (which if you are you most certainly won't be going to a swingers club in the first place!) there is likely to be a point in the evening when you wish your partner could stroke your pussy. This is kinda hard if you are wearing jeans.
  6. Take a hair tie. I read somewhere that you can tell a girl who gives good head because she always has a hair tie around her wrist. I was pleased to read this because I almost always have a hair tie around my wrist. After spoiling the look of a few photos with this habit I have become a bit self-conscious about it. I can say there is nothing more annoying than trying to suck a cock when your hair is falling in your face!
  7. Watch those nails. Long nails look nice but they most certainly don't feel nice inside your vagina! A woman can be the sexiest thing in the world but if she has long nails then I will be extremely cautious about her putting them anywhere near my genitals.
  8. If you find yourself taking a break and watching the action refrain from having a conversation with another person in the room about something that has nothing to do with the action unfolding in front of you. Once Jake and I visited a very nice couple and the guys were taking a break at the end of the bed while myself and the other lady explored each other. Most red blooded men would be perfectly happy with this turn of events, or so I thought. These two started having a conversation about tractors of all things! After a few minutes they were both despatched to the kitchen so that we could continue our session in peace!
  9. If you shave, especially if you are guy, please make sure you are freshly shaved. A two or three day growth can be very uncomfortable when it is being ground against your most sensitive parts. This applies to both facial hair and genitals.
  10. Accessories can be a pain. This includes necklaces, bracelets, large earrings and handbags. I personally prefer to have none of these things. I usually put my lipstick on in the car and leave my phone and makeup in the glove box. If I wear a coat I might put one of these items in the pocket but otherwise you are just asking to lose something precious. Of course not everyone is a vague as me but keeping track of a handbag at a party or club is almost impossible for me.