I have been absent from TMI Tuesday for a couple of weeks but this week I am BACK! And what a set of questions to come back to!
1. From erotica to sex blogs everyone seems to be having intense orgasms. Do you feel like you are experienceing the sam intense orgasmic waves everyone talks about?
I have a very checkered relationship with orgasms. In general they don't come easily to me. In my early playing days I was known to fake a little because it was easier than explaining. More recently I have come to the conclusion that there are a myriad of different types of orgasms and I am not particularly familiar with they way they feel. So sometimes they pass by without me realising.
2. At the beginning of our sexual lives we are often let down because it feels like nothing in comparison to what we see in films and magazines. Sexual pleasure is something you learn more about as you get older. How have you learned to cultivate the pleasure that you feel?
I have always liked to read about sex and sex related topics and so over the years I have read a lot of articles and books about how to have better sex. A lot of them are complete crap and don't really offer a lot of useful tips. The thing that has helped me the most is getting to a point where I am comfortable with my own body mostly and happy to explore possibilities. I have learned a lot about how my body works from people other than Jake. Often I will experience something with a different partner that is not like anything I have ever tried before and then I will try and incorporate it into my sex with Jake. We have both had to learn the sometimes the things that we do with other people don't need to come into the bedroom with us and they are reserved as experiences that are had with those people only.
3. In the last three years has your sexual pleasure;
b) Stayed the same
c) Increased, enhanced and improved
Definitely c) Opening our bedroom and our minds to new people and new experiences has definitely improved our enjoyment of sex for both Jake and myself. We are more comfortable to tell each other what we want, more open to different ideas and the out of the ordinary things the other might want and we have both learned a lot from our different partners and watching each other with different partners. Life is good for us right now.
4. If you are feeling much more sexual pleasure than your lover do you feel the need to make up the deficit or just lice in the moment and enhoy what has been given to you?
I am a big believer in the saying "What you lose on the swings you will gain on the roundabouts" When it comes to sexual encounters there is always going to be a slight imbalance. And I don't have a problem with a bit of give and take with longer term partners including Jake. If I was with a one off or very new partner I would make sure that things are relatively balanced.
5. How important is it to you for you and your lover to have simoultaneous orgasms?
a) Not important - never thought about it
b) Somewhat important - I think it would be nice to explode at the same time.
c) Important - that is what I 'work' for. Cumming at the same time makes everything more intense - my orgasm, my feelings, the entire experience.
I am going to go with b) here. Jake and I do orgasm simoultaneously from time to time. Before we started swinging we used to orgasm simoulaneously all the time. It was like one person climaxing triggered the other. Jake kind of stopped that because he was worried it would affect his performance with other partners. It is not essential but we do enjoy simoultaneous orgams and it is very nice.
Bonus: Do you think having an orgasm is the same as sexual pleasure? Why or why not?
No it is not the same as sexual pleasure. There is a whole spectrum of sexual pleasure that does not involve orgasms. Often people, especially men, hold off their orgasms because once they climax the pleasure stops for a while. Personally I do have sexual encounters that don't involve an earth shattering orgasm and that is fine as well. Sometimes watching and feeling the other person climaxing is enough.