Saturday, October 22, 2011

Some nice Comments

For those not in the know I have recently put out a little book.

It is available on both Smashwords and Kindle. If you like reading about intelligent confident women who are up for a little adventure on a Friday night you will definitely like Alice. If you like men who know how to please then you will like Steve and his friend Jason. If you have ever wondered about what your boyfriend's flatmate thinks when you come over this could be the story for you.

Recently a fellow Twitterer @kinkygent reviewed my little book and here is what he had to say;

Rock Her World is the story of 23 year old Alice, a young doctors receptionist who is sexually confidant and keen to explore new opportunities. With her friends Tania and Helen she enjoys hanging out at Hanks and isn't afraid to explore the sexual options that come along.

Here she meets Steve and they waste no time in getting to know each other intimately first in his car and then back at his place hardly able to keep their hands off each other as they explore all the possibilities their bodies can offer.

When Alice wakes Steve is gone but with the promise of getting together the next week. The week is long but Friday eventually comes around and not much time is spent at the club before they are back at Steves again for another steamy session but this time their is an added complication Steve's flat mate who also presses his attentions onto Alice.

Will Alice embrace both men, will she regret something she said or will she continue to explore every opportunity and take her sexual education to the next level.

Gemma Jones' story of young Alice's sexual adventure is fast paced but well told and keeps the reader going throughout whilst the detailed telling of Alice's experiances is both highly erotic and very real, making the reader wish they were either Alice or Steve and part of the adventure.

I'd like to thank Kinky for his very kind words and feedback and also for his awesome blog which I find highly erotic. You can check it out here

Now go and buy my book. You know you want to...........

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Let's Talk About Safe Sex

Most reputable swinging websites have a box to tick somewhere about how you practice safe sex. Response options range from 'never' to 'always'. Looking at this I find myself asking the question "What is Safe Sex?" or more importantly "What do other people think safe sex is?"

It seems that no one really wants to talk about this. Every where you look there are laments about the difficulty in gathering useful data about how many people practise safe sex because people either won't participate in research or if they do they don't give accurate answers to survey questions. Various forums are testament to this. Post a topic about safe sex and all the regulars suddenly fall silent and the thread makes it off the front page at about 100 miles an hour.

This is not a post giving factual information about STIs. There are a plethora of websites out there giving excellent, well referenced information about diseases, symptoms and long term effects. These include the wonderful people at the CDC; CDC STI information sheets and the Australian Government; The Australian Government Website

A few events in our lives recently have prompted us to think pretty hard about our safe sex practises and the risks that we take when we are playing. One thing that got a bit scary was thinking about a diagram and us in the middle surrounded by our partners branching out into their partners followed by their partner's partners and so on. The tree grew exponentially. When we started playing with ideas like if this person is infected with and STI and they pass it on to 30% of their partners and those people pass it on to 30% of their partners we sat back with our eyes wide open.

I think I will become a nun.

Seriously. The reality is that truly safe sex means some extreme approaches. The most obvious is having a barrier at every point of contact. Think condoms, dental dams, latex gloves, the full regalia. Or you could think the condom scene in Naked Gun Unless you have a rubber fetish this kind of approach kind of kills the moment. Alternatively the two (or three or six or whatever) of you commit to being exclusive, get full clearance from the doctor and don't invite anyone into the circle until they are also cleared and everyone is happy that they are trustworthy.

Yep. That is going to happen in this lifetime.

Most of us manage risks by taking the easiest least invasive precaution, wearing a condom. Then we tend to avoid practises that are more yukky like using a condom for oral sex. We tell ourselves that we only play with people who are OK so we are safe. But how do we know if they are truly safe if no one ever really talks about safe sex or how they keep themselves safe?

I don't really want to know the full sexual history of every person I might want to have sex with and really that is none of my business. But, what goes in my vagina IS my business. I have the right to ask people to prove they are clean, but apparently cool people don't do that. Every time STIs are mentioned everyone gets this uncomfortable look on their face like they wish they were somewhere else.

Why do people have such a hang up about it? Once you have a virus you generally have it for life. This isn't something you want to muck around with. I want to know that my partners get regular screens and that they take appropriate measures to ensure they are not sharing their infection with me.

Bacterial infections are easier to treat but again I want to be assured that people are getting tested often and being treated when they need to. Having an infection and admitting to it won't make you a leper.  It will make you like a lot of people out there. In 2009 over 65, 000 cases of Chlamydia were reported in Australia.  It is estimated that as many as 80% of Chlamydia infections are symptomless and so the actual number of cases was probably much higher. It is estimated that as many as 1 in 8 women are infected with Herpes. Again many of these infections are symptomless and so go undiagnosed.

We need to feel comfortable to talk about these risk factors and whether or not we have been tested recently or had an infection without feeling like it is a bad thing or a big deal. We need to stop pretending it won't happen or believing in myths like 'couples are safe'.  We need to stop pretending that we are invincible.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Did We Do Something Wrong

Recently Jake and I found ourselves invited to a small gathering held by some people that we had met once. We had thoroughly enjoyed these people's company before and were looking forward to another enjoyable evening of adult entertainment.

The bubble burst three days before the gathering was scheduled when we received a short note saying "We are sorry for the late notice but we have had to cancel the party."

Our initial reaction was concern for our acquaintances. Did something drastic happen in their lives? Was there a sudden illness in their family? The message was sent via an Internet dating service that we use and no explanation or details were given.  We responded with a "Hope everything is OK" but no conversation was entered into. They made it pretty clear that they didn't want any further contact.

We were a little confused and then we began to wonder. Did we do something wrong? Did we say something in one of our messages that they took offence to? Did we inadvertently say something to another person who happened to also be one of their friends that caused offence? These are all questions we had no way of knowing the answer to and so were a little pointless really. But telling yourself not to worry usually is not a good way of stopping any worrying.

Swinging is a funny scenario. The rules of behaviour and etiquette are not defined at all. I read an article recently in Life on the Swingset that outlined a new person's confusion with rules of etiquette when swinging. Situations like the one we found ourselves in emphasise how confusing things can be. All of our conditioning about this kind of thing stems from dating as a single person. All of our angst and pondering are similar to those of a single person. What if he / she doesn't like me?  What if he / she doesn't call? and so on.

The difference of course is that with swinging things aren't as crucial. As a couple you are already in the company of the person you are committed to for life. The other people you get naked with are a bonus. It is nice to develop a friendship with people and there are basic rules of courtesy but to put it in Jake's words;
You already have someone to go home with so it doesn't matter if you find someone else or not.

Because of this people tend to be a little harsher and more judgemental. The ideal that beauty is on the inside falls a little by the wayside. We are more likely to only speak to people we find attractive and less likely to spend time with people who may be great conversationalists but lets face it we are not going to get naked with any time soon. I had a friend a while back who constantly told people at parties and in forums,
"This is a shallow, superficial game we are playing. People will make decisions based on physical beauty and who they think is cool so get used to it." This statement sounds a little harsh on the surface of things but when you take a good look at what goes on at parties and clubs it is 100% correct.

The same friend also found herself in a situation at a party one night when Mrs B wanted to play with her but Mr B said no and gave his reason as "She is a bit on the chunky side for me dear." My friend's position was that while it was unpleasant to hear herself described this way Mr B was quite within his rights to say no and was merely being honest. He had said nothing that she hadn't or wouldn't say herself in the right situation. She found herself in the odd position of defending the man who had rejected her to his wife who wanted her.

The romantics amongst us would like to think that we could all get naked and have a great time together and there would be none of this unpleasantness but how can this be without everyone giving up their right to choose who shares their bed? Getting back to our situation with the party that wasn't, the same principle applies. They have the right to choose who they share their home, spa and body with. If they decide for some reason that we are not suitable then who are we to argue? It would be nice to have an explanation but is it really necessary? Do we really want to know?

Jake and I make a point of being honest with people. If we aren't attracted to someone we say so from the get go. We are upfront about our rules and we don't hide our other playmates from view. We try not to be offensive but sometimes people take things the wrong way and no amount of explaining can fix that. We know that we haven't intentionally been rude or done anything offensive so if offence has been taken we cannot help that.

We are a little sad that we missed out on sexy spa time and we truly do hope that our friends are not faced with any major life issues. At the end of the day we have each other and really that is enough.